Your Eyes Say More Than Your Words Ever Do
by Blondie785
Summary: This is the story of Reilly Michelle, WWE diva, and John Cena, WWE superstar...Please read, comment, review...Thanks in advance!
1. Reilly Michelle

April 2012

Hi, I'm Reilly Michelle, and I never dreamed I would make it to where I'm standing at this very moment...I am a 26 year old from a small town in Illinois and about to walk down the ramp to my first Wrestlemania match. I've worked 6 years to get to this point and the enormity of what I am about to do is just now hitting me. I close my eyes, lean against the wall and try to compose my thoughts...

****** I think back to 10 years ago, I was a quiet, reserved overweight blonde in high school who had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. The rest of my high school career carried on the same way, people asking me what my plans were, and there I was with no real answer to give them. Then, after high school something changed inside of me. I had just gotten out of a 2 year long abusive relationship and realized it was time to focus on Reilly and what I wanted. I started working out every day, eating right and being more careful about the people I surrounded myself with. In time, I dropped 95 pounds and found a confidence I never imagined I could have. One day I was sitting scrolling through the paper on my laptop and came across an ad for WWE diva tryouts. I sat down with my family, wanting to get their opinions on my "crazy" idea. I had grown up watching the WWE and now the opportunity to work for the company was almost too good to pass up. My family encouraged me to chase my dream and 3 months later I found myself working out in the gym with Kelly Kelly and Natalya before Raw one Monday morning when "he" walked into the room...


	2. John Cena

April 2012

Hey, my name's John Cena and I am a wrestler for the WWE brand. I debuted in 2002 and have loved my job ever since. I had a great life and everything was amazing, I had great friends, a great job, and a great wife...well, until recently. My marriage just isn't what I thought it was and I decided I needed out. Now it's become a huge nightmare and I can feel myself pushing away from everything, including my friends who have been with me and there for me through everything. One friend in particular, Ms. Reilly, I hate to admit, I've pushed her the farthest away and can't for the life of me figure out how to stop. She's the one that has supported me and been there for me when I needed a female opinion or advice when my marriage was crumbling and yet, she's the one I see myself distancing from the most...deep down I know why, but I could never tell her. I'm too afraid I would scare her away or lose her permanently. Who knows, I keep pushing much more and I might just push her away anyway...


	3. If You Knew Then

_-Reilly-_

**August 2006****  
**  
I glanced down as soon as he walked in. I didn't want to make eye contact with him and look like a bumbling, excited fan but inside I was bursting. John Cena had just walked into the gym! "Get a grip on yourself, you work with him now, get over it!" I thought to myself as I refocused and went back to counting my reps on the rowing machine.

"Morning Johnny Boy!" I heard Kelly yell and I glanced up to see him wave and make his way over to where we were. I kept focused on what I was doing and tried to pretend like I hadn't noticed.

"Hey Kelly, Nat. You guys are here early this morning." John said, walking up and leaning against one of the machines. I was watching the conversation as he looked in my direction and smiled. I did my best not to melt but on the inside I was fighting that babbling crazy fan side of me.

"Don't think I've gotten to introduce myself yet," John said as he stepped toward me. "I'm John and you are?" He extended his hand out to me.

"Reilly," I said, throwing my towel over my shoulder and standing up from the machine. "Reilly Michelle. Nice to meet you Mr. Cena," I continued, shaking his hand.

He smiled and squeezed my hand firmly. "Call me John," he continued. I smiled back and realized just how contagious his smile really was. "So Ms. Reilly, how are you enjoying the WWE so far?" John asked with a small smirk.

"It's definitely more than I ever would have expected." I said, glancing down and pretending to fix my tank top. "Everyone has been amazing so far."

"Hey John, how's Liz?" Nat piped up and I used the opportunity to grab my water bottle and take a long drink.

"Last time I talked to her, she was mad as usual. I'm gone too much, I don't call enough...you know...just the usual."John replied, looking more than a little frustrated. "Well anyway, I'll leave you three to your workout. Kelly, make sure you take care of Ms. Reilly here. We wouldn't want her running out like some of the others we've had."

"Don't worry John. She's a tough one and she works for what she wants. I think she'll be just fine." Kelly said and I smiled, thankful for the vote of confidence.

John turned his attention to me and smiled once again. "Ms. Reilly, if you need anything don't hesitate at all to come to me. I'm always around somewhere. It was really nice to meet you."

I looked into his eyes and smiled back. "It's just Reilly, and thanks I will. It was good to meet you too. Guess I'll be seeing you around."

"Count on it." John said as he turned and walked off. I looked over at Kelly and Natalya who were staring at me quite intently.

"What?" I asked. "Why are you staring at me like that?"

"You are the first Diva lately to come in here, meet John Cena and not act like a crazed teenage girl." Kelly said, her hands on her hips.

I smiled, climbed back on the rowing machine and answered simply, "It wasn't easy, believe me." They just smiled and we went back to work but inside I was screaming.

_-John-__  
_  
**August 2006****  
**  
It was too early, 6:30 a.m., I was exhausted and not in a good mood, but the gym never gave me days off so there I was as usual, pulling into the parking lot for another workout. I may complain about it but in reality, it's one of the only things guaranteed to get my mind off whatever may be bothering me at that point in time.

I walked in, dropped my stuff in a locker and headed out to the main room. I glanced around as I walked in, seeing who may have beat me to it. I was shocked to see Kelly and Natalya already here, as they never usually show up until after 10 a.m. I noticed they weren't alone and saw the new diva in town working with them. Actually she seemed to be working more than them but it may have just been me. I watched her for a second...her workout form was perfect and she looked as if she was intensely focused on what she was doing. She was cute, very cute, but not in the typical diva kind of way. Most of the divas around here, you look at them and you get the feeling that they know how beautiful they are and they want to make sure everyone else knows it as well. I didn't get that immediate feeling from this girl. There was something about watching her that just seemed to draw you in, made you watch her without even realizing you were doing it...I shook my head, I had a girlfriend sitting at home, one who wasn't exactly too happy with me at the moment.

I heard Kelly yell to me and I waved and walked over. The "new girl" looked up momentarily from her spot on the rowing machine to see who Kelly had yelled at but then went right back to work again. I admired that, intent and focused, the same way I run my workouts.

I talked to Kelly for a minute and then turned my attention to Ms. New Girl and introduced myself.

"Don't think I've gotten to introduce myself yet," I said, extending my hand out to her. "I'm John and you are?"

She gave herself a break from the machine, smiled and shook my hand. Her smile was infectious and her handshake gave me the impression she was a woman who was definitely sure of herself, another quality I immediately admired.

I caught her name, Reilly...very different... and catchy, and she called me Mr. Cena. Anyone who knows me on a personal level knows I don't stand for that so I quickly told her to just call me John. She smiled that infectious smile again and I felt like I had to get away. This feeling was one I wasn't used to. I didn't know why I felt that way, she smiled and something inside me told me to walk away. This girl was different, and I think deep down, that scared me...

Natalya asked a question about Liz, my girlfriend, a topic I wasn't too ecstatic about talking about and I told myself to use that as my out. I smiled again at Ms. Reilly (she immediately let me know it was just Reilly, another thing I wasn't used to) and I let her know that if she needed anything to not hesitate to come to me about it. She thanked me and told me she would and something inside me believed her. I excused myself and walked off, unsure of why some "new girl" had me so out of sorts from just one meeting. Inside, I was glad the free weights were in a completely separate room. I felt like this was going to be a tough workout to focus on today...

**Later That Night...****  
**  
_-Reilly-__  
_  
I smiled as I sat in the back at Monday Night Raw, watching Kelly's match on the tv out in the main room. I hadn't had my own match yet but I had been in and out of the storyline and knew my time was coming soon. It was still hard for me to think that a year ago I was a high school graduate who had no idea where she was going to end up. Kelly's match finished up with her hanging onto her title just as planned and I started to head back to our locker room to congratulate her. I was looking down, fixing my skirt as I walked when I bumped into someone. Glancing up quickly, my face flushed red as I realized I had just run into John.

"Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry John. I was completely not paying attention!" I stammered as he just stood there and smiled.

"Don't worry about it. I've taken much worse," he replied, leaning against the wall.

"Ok then, next time I'll make sure I run full force into you," I teased, feeling the nervousness start to melt away. "On your way to the ring?"I asked.

"In a few, yeah," he answered. "I just had to talk to Paul (Triple H) about being able to go home later this week for a few days. I haven't seen my girlfriend in almost a month. She's getting mad."

"Not nice to keep a girl waiting John," I commented and he smiled back at me.I leaned up against the other wall so we were directly across from each other and crossed my arms in front of me. I don't know what was happening to me but that crazy teenage fan side of me that I was fighting back earlier in the day was nowhere to be found. In her place was a calm, collected woman who was standing talking to John Cena as if she'd known him forever. I realized that he seemed to have a good way of doing that, of making anyone he met feel completely at ease with him, and apparently, I was no exception.

"So what happens if I keep a girl waiting too long?" he asked, taking a step towards me. That smile of his seemed more and more hypnotizing and those pool-blue eyes certainly weren't helping my composure.

"It's probably a better idea not to do it, this way you don't ever have to find out," I replied, a small smirk spreading across my face. Was I flirting with him? 'Knock it off brain,' I told myself. 'He has a girlfriend and I am not the type to get involved with anything like that or anybody I work with for that matter...'

"Got it. Remind me to never keep you waiting Ms. Reilly." He stated, taking another step towards me. We were now only about a foot apart in what was otherwise a rather wide hallway. "Anyway," John started as he looked down at his feet, "a bunch of us are meeting down at the hotel bar after Raw is over. You and Kelly should join us, if you want." He suddenly wouldn't look at me.

"That sounds like fun, but I know Kel said she was heading to bed early tonight, she's got an early flight tomorrow morning," I answered, instantly remembering that I had been on my way to see her.

"Oh well, that's too bad. Maybe, if you want...I mean...you could still come and hang out...I could introduce you to everybody."He glanced up from the floor at me and I was instantly overcome by that teenage fan again.

"Well, sure I guess. Sounds like fun." I managed to spit out. "It would be nice to meet some of the other guys." I thought up the quickest excuse I could so it didn't sound like I just agreed to it to spend time with him.

"Oh, really ? Great, well, I've gotta get ready for my match...I'll...I'll see you later then I guess."John stammered. He smiled at me quickly then gave me a kind of half-wave and turned and walked down the hallway. I collapsed back against the wall, cursing myself for acting like such a teenager.

"You work with him. Yes he's gorgeous and yes he's got a girlfriend and yes, that would never happen." I whispered softly. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and continued walking back towards the diva's locker room. Kelly and Nat were going to get a kick out of this...


	4. Question and Answer

-_Reilly-_

An hour later, after begging Kelly to talk me out of going, I was standing in front of the mirror in my hotel room staring at myself. Why had I agreed to come down in the first place? This comfort level that John seemed to cause me to have was scary to say the least, but at the same time, deep down I was looking forward to getting to spend more time with him. I sighed, realizing what I looked like wasn't that important. We were just going to hang out and he was going to introduce me to some of the other superstars. If I wanted to impress people, I'd do it in the ring, not by dressing a certain way. It was late and I felt like going comfy... ** comfy/set?id=49458658#fans**, so I shook out my hair, grabbed some cash and headed out the door...

I walked into the bar downstairs and glancing around, didn't see anyone that I knew right away so I walked up to the bartender to get a drink. I was just about to open my mouth to order when I felt a hand on my shoulder and a voice say, "give her whatever she wants and put it on my tab."

I looked up over my shoulder to find John smiling down at me. "You don't have to do that," I said, turning slightly to face him.

"I know, but I didn't want you to have to wait, remember..." he winked and I couldn't help but smile back at him. I ordered a beer and John led me over to where he and the others were hanging out. He introduced me to Randy, Phil (CM Punk), and Stephen (Sheamus), as well as a few other road crew and sound and audio guys whose names escape me at the moment. I realized I was the only female in this group but felt completely comfortable as everyone seemed really nice and down to Earth. We joked and talked for the good part of two hours before I realized that it was after midnight and I was exhausted. I looked at John who was sitting next to me, and who I hadn't talked to as much as some of the other guys since I'd been there, and said, "I think I'd better head up to my room, I'm exhausted."

"Ok, sure, I'll walk you if that's ok. I've got an early flight home tomorrow anyway." he replied. He stood, we said goodbye to the rest of the guys and then we turned and walked out of the bar, his hand gently on my back as we walked.

"So, now I feel bad," John said quietly as we walked down the hallway to the elevator.

"What do you feel bad about?" I asked him. We reached the elevator and I pushed the button, then turned around to face him.

"Because," he started, "I invited you down there so that I could get to know you more and the guys ended up liking you so much that I just let them talk."

"Oh god, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to ignore you." I stammered. I instantly felt bad for not realizing just how little I had actually talked to him while we were at the bar.  
The elevator doors opened and we stepped inside. The doors closed and we stood in silence for a minute before I looked at him and said, "well, we're here now so let's talk."

He looked at me from across the elevator with those huge puppy eyes of his and all I could do was smile. "Well, first of all I just want to say I'm amazed by you." John started and I instantly felt flushed again.

"Amazed by what?" I was so confused, wondering what I had done.

"You're so collected, you seem so sure of yourself. I mean, you're gorgeous and it's like you either don't know it or really don't care that much. I'm just amazed by the fact that you are the most down to Earth diva I think we've ever had. You literally sat and joked around with a bunch of the biggest guys we have in the company and you looked completely comfortable." He looked down at the floor again at this point and I thought I saw a hint of...wait, did he just say I was gorgeous? I shook it off, I wasn't going to dwell on it. 'I'm sure he's just being nice.' I told myself. "I don't know," I shrugged, "I've just always gotten along better with men for some reason. Less drama I guess. And I've never relied on my looks for anything in my life so I guess I just don't think about it."

We were across the elevator from each other, and he crossed over and leaned against the wall next to me as he continued.

"That's what I mean, any other woman that looked like you has come into this company with the idea that her looks would get her everything. I could tell by your work ethic in the gym this morning you're not like that. You're willing to work for everything you want and I really admire that." The elevator doors opened at this point and we walked out into the hallway and down to my room.

"I don't know about all that. It was just, growing up, I never had real looks to fall back on I guess so I learned to work for things I wanted and then after high school I decided that I was tired of feeling bad about myself and just took control of my life finally. So I guess at this point, it's more because working hard is what I'm used to, and I think I'd rather have it that way anyway." We reached my door and I stopped and pulled my room key out of my pocket.

"See, this is another thing that I'm amazed by. The way you talk to me, it's like we've known each other forever. I've never clicked with a girl like that other than my girlfriend and it's so nice to have a female out on the road that I can talk to just to get away from the guys for awhile. Don't get me wrong, I love them but after awhile the testosterone level starts to get to you. I just feel like, well, I hope that you and I are going to be really close friends. I really love talking to you." He stood with his hand against the door frame as I opened the door and stood there with my hand on the doorknob.

"I love talking to you too. I don't know what it is but you just have this way of making me feel so comfortable, I feel like I could talk to you forever and not get bored or run out of things to say." I stopped for a second, and my brain started telling me to invite him in.

_'You like talking to him...invite him in. You're not doing anything wrong, just talking. He's leaving tomorrow and you won't see him for a week and you DID ignore him down at the bar...' _I tried arguing with myself. He has a girlfriend, and I would never want her to think there was anything going on because there's not. But I do enjoy talking to him, I feel like he's the big brother I never had growing up...

I sighed and shook my head, knowing what I was about to do could end badly and he could walk away freaked out by me but I asked anyway,

"Do you uh, I mean...I guess I'm not as tired as I thought..." I couldn't seem to get the words out and stared at the floor, my hand still on the doorknob.

"Are you giving me the chance to get to talk to you more?" He asked and I immediately felt stupid and transparent as if he could read my mind.

"If you don't want to I completely understand. I don't want you to be weirded out or think anything, I just feel bad because I didn't talk to you much at the bar and I know you've got an early flight and..." I was rambling...what the hell was wrong with me? I was acting like a little school girl.

He cut me off, putting his hand under my chin and lifting my head to look at him. "Ms. Reilly, I would love the opportunity to get to know you better. I'll just stay for a little while then I'll leave ok?"

I smiled, feeling stupid inside for rambling. '_You need to cool it! He's an amazing guy and you two could really become amazing friends if you calm down and just TALK to him..' __  
_

"Ok," I answered. "Come on in." I walked through the door and he followed, shutting the door softly behind him. We sat at either end of the couch in my room and talked about what seemed like everything...cars (he loved the fact that my first purchase after starting work with the WWE was a black 1969 Camaro Z/28, a present to myself), work, our lives before this job. He talked about his girlfriend and then asked me about my previous relationships. I told him the truth and he seemed kind of worked up when I told him about the abusive relationship I had just gotten out of a year or so before but relaxed when I explained that it was that relationship that made me realize I was better than that and deserved more. We talked about anything and everything and I truly felt as if I had known him forever.

I was laughing at a joke he had just told when I happened to glance over at the clock on the nightstand and my heart stopped.

" Oh my god, John it's 4:30! You've got an early flight, I am so sorry..." We had lost all track of time and I felt horrible for keeping him so late when he had to be at the airport in a few hours.

He looked over at the clock and didn't yell, didn't freak out, just smiled and looked at me. "It's fine," he said. "I can sleep on the plane, I'm not worried about it. I would much rather have gotten to talk to you then get a few extra hours of sleep." He stood and stretched his arms above his head. " I guess I should get going though, I haven't even packed yet and you look exhausted."

"In all honesty, I probably am tired but can't even feel it right now." I stood and realized the way I had been sitting on my leg had caused it to fall asleep and stumbled forward. John caught me and held me in his arms to steady me. "Ok, well, maybe I feel it just a little."

He laughed and smiled down at me and I put my hands on his arms, attempting to push myself away but he held on. "Reilly, thank you."

"For what?" I the back of my throat a lump was forming and I realized, I didn't want this night to end. I truly felt like I could talk to him forever.

"This was one of the most relaxing, amazing nights I've had on the road in awhile and I really hope I'm not going to scare you when I say this but I hope you and I will be able to hang out and talk more from this point on. You are amazing and I would love to have you as a friend." He closed his arms just a little tighter around me.

"I'd really like that too. You are an amazing person and I've never felt as comfortable with someone as I do with you." I looked up at him. There was something in his eyes, something down deep trying to come to the surface and I felt the lump growing in my throat. "You'd better get going. You can still get a couple hours of sleep before your flight." I suddenly needed a way out before he could see how I felt.

He dropped his arms from around me and I walked him to the door. I opened it and we stood there looking at each other for a minute before he spoke. "Thank you, I know it doesn't seem like alot but thank you."

"Don't thank me...I think I enjoyed tonight just as much if not more, I should be the one thanking you."I leaned against the door, suddenly exhausted.

"Get some sleep Reilly. I'll see you in a few days." John whispered. He leaned in and hugged me softly.

I hugged him back and replied, "Have a safe trip. Enjoy your time with your girlfriend, I know it doesn't happen often. I'll see you in San Francisco." I pulled back and he walked out the door.

He stopped in the hallway, turned toward me and smiled. "Goodnight Ms. Reilly," and I didn't argue with him. "Goodnight John." I replied. I watched him walk down the hallway toward the elevators then shut and locked the door and walked back over to my bed. I sat on the edge, a smile on my face, thinking about everything that had transpired that night. I crawled onto the bed, curled up with a pillow and closed my eyes, looking forward to my dreams for the first time in quite awhile.

_-John-_

**4:45 a.m.**

I closed the door to my room and leaned back against it. This girl was so different and it still amazed me. And if I were to give you my opinion and thoughts of what transpired tonight I'd do nothing but get myself in trouble so it's off to bed I go. I have a flight in 5 hours, I'm headed home to see my girlfriend...

Goodnight Ms. Reilly...sleep well.


	5. Planes, Trains,Busses?

One year later...

_-John-__  
_  
It had been a year to the day since I met my best friend. Since the morning I had walked into the gym and first laid eyes on Reilly, to that night where we spent all night talking, she and I had become closer than I could have ever imagined. On the road, we would hang out any chance we got, and it was never anything elaborate. She was always up for anything but most of the time we ended up in her room or mine, just talking, going over our scripts or watching a movie. Nothing ever went farther than that, even though there had been times when I very easily could have, and wanted to,wrap her in my arms and never let go.

Things with Liz had seemed to have gotten better as well, for the most part. She and I got along better and I really did love her...except for one thing. She had met Reilly about 6 months before, when she had come to see me on the road. I was hoping that they would get along, even maybe become friends. They had become the two most important women in my life and I wanted nothing more than to see them like each other. Reilly was amazing, making it a point of introducing herself to Liz and trying with everything she had to be friendly to her. Liz was polite to her upfront but as soon as we got to my locker room that night I could see by the look on her face that she was fuming. She made it a point of letting me know that she didn't approve of me being best friends with another woman and basically told me in so many words that she didn't want me spending time with Reilly anymore. I lost it at that point. How dare she judge Reilly when she had only met her minutes before.

I told her I didn't feel it was fair that I trusted her still being friends with some of her ex-boyfriends and she couldn't trust me to be friends with one woman on the road. I made sure she knew that there was nothing going on between Reilly and me and I didn't want anything to go on.(I remember now, when I said that I had a felt a dull ache in my chest, but I was so angry that I ignored it...I wonder what I was trying to tell myself...) I even defended Reilly to Liz, telling her how Paul (Triple H) had tried multiple times to put Reilly and I in a romantic storyline and Reilly had refused solely because she was worried about upsetting Liz. I told her I was going to continue being friends with Reilly and she would have to accept it or we would seriously need to review our trust issues in our relationship. She went back home that night and I ended up avoiding Reilly that night as well. I didn't want her to worry or think that she had caused this fight between Liz and I. I felt horrible avoiding her but I didn't want to risk her walking away from me just so she could keep Liz happy, she meant too much to me for that.  
Liz called me the next morning and apologized, basically saying that she knew I could be friends with whoever I wanted and it was wrong of her to expect otherwise. She agreed to not say anything bad about Reilly anymore and I hoped she meant it, but deep down I wasn't sure.

Anyway, back to that day. It had been a year since Reilly walked into my life and I wanted her to know how much she meant to me. We were on a plane headed to New York for a few shows. I glanced over across the aisle to where Reilly and Kelly sat. It was so hard to resist her,especially in times like this. She and Kelly were both asleep snuggled up next to each other with their heads resting together and a small smile on each of their faces. She looked so peaceful, so completely content with her life that I secretly wondered if any of that smile was because of, or for, me. I couldn't help it, I looked at her and my whole world fell apart. I felt like she could come to me, ask me to give up everything for her and I would, without hesitation. I know she'd never do that but it's just the whole idea behind it. I would give up everything, walk away and never look back if it meant never losing this amazing woman.

Two hours later we landed in New York and those of us on that particular flight were piling onto a bus the company had rented to get us back and forth from the hotel to the arena.

I was one of the first ones on the bus so I grabbed a window seat and settled in as it was a half hour drive from the airport to the hotel. I looked out the window and saw Reilly walking toward the bus with Kelly. The two had become super close friends and I was so glad that Reilly had found a female she could relate to after the stories she had told me about females she had been friends with in her past. I secretly wondered where Reilly would sit. I never asked her to sit with me, not that I didn't want her to but more because I wanted to make sure that everything she did was because she wanted to and not because she felt obliged to. I watched as the two climbed onto the bus and started to work their way down the aisle. Reilly was scanning the seats and smiled when she saw me. She stopped in the aisle next to me and put her hands on her hips.

"Saving a seat for your boyfriend are you?" Reilly teased, her eyes sparkling with mischief and an evil (adorable) smirk on her face. She called Randy my boyfriend because of how much time he and I would spend hanging out.

"Yeah but he's taking forever as usual so I guess I'll just have to deal with you sitting here huh?" I pushed back, wondering just how far she would go.

"Well fine then, I guess I'll just go sit somewhere else." She retorted. She turned and took a step down the aisle before I stood up and grabbed her around the waist.

"Oh no you don't." I exclaimed. She giggled and I pulled her back down into the seat with me. She didn't pull away but rather curled up in my lap, her back against the window.

Kelly climbed into the 3rd seat in the row and looked at the two of us, shaking her head. "You two make me sick sometimes,"she joked.

"Aw, Kel.. You're just jealous that you don't have a tough, gorgeous man to snuggle up to." Reilly responded. She playfully snuggled into my chest and I instinctively wrapped my arms tighter around her waist and rested my head on hers. I stared out the window, breathing in the scent of her, realizing how this probably looked to everyone else on the bus, and then realizing that I could care less.

"Yeah, well maybe. And no offense to Liz, John, but I wish you two would just get together already and put me out of my misery." Kelly responded. I turned my head to see if she was serious and I could tell by the smirk on her face that she was just messing with us but I felt Reilly sigh into me and I knew she didn't feel the same way. She pushed away from me and I instantly let her go, not wanting to upset her. She slid off my lap and into the empty seat between Kelly and I, curling her legs up to her chest and resting her head on her knees. I wanted so badly to reach over and tell her not to worry about it, that Kelly was just joking and Liz wasn't going to be upset...but the look on her face kept me glued to my seat. We didn't talk the rest of the ride and when we got to the hotel, I've never seen someone get off a bus so fast in my life...


	6. Promises

_-Reilly-_

I remembered that day. Kelly and I had just gotten back from a few days off on vacation and I had climbed onto that bus in an great mood. It had been amazing to lay on the beach for a few days and not worry about work or anything else but I couldn't help but miss John the whole time we were gone. So when we climbed on the bus and I saw him sitting by the window I knew immediately where I'd end up. I teased him a little and wasn't expecting him to grab me and pull me down into the seat with him but instead of getting up and sitting in my own seat, I curled into his lap, content on sitting there for the duration of the bus ride. Kelly was grossed out as usual and I teased her, snuggling myself into John's chest. He always smelled so good and I was so comfortable sitting there wrapped in his arms, almost too comfortable. Then Kelly said it...I knew she was joking but it still hit me hard. I immediately pushed away from John and slid into the empty seat between them. I buried my head in my knees so John couldn't see me cry. I didn't want him to know how bad I felt.

I avoided John for almost two weeks after that. I just felt that I had no choice but to stay away from him for awhile. I knew if I was Liz,I don't know if I would be comfortable with the friendship John and I had and I refused to be the person to cause trouble between them. She was his girlfriend and I would not let myself make her mad. I had already felt for awhile that she really didn't like me all that much but I would never say that to John. I found out by talking to Randy that John had gone home at least twice to see Liz during those two weeks and I felt a little relieved. It was better that way for everyone involved.

At the end of that second week, after a Raw supershow, everyone was planning on going out to a club near the hotel after work. Kelly and Nat begged me to go but I just couldn't get myself in the right state of mind. I apologized and knew deep down, Kelly understood my reasons. I knew he'd probably be there and I wasn't ready to face him. I needed to get out, to be by myself and think for awhile. I decided to go running so I headed back to my room and changed into this... ** cgi/set?id=49588560** . I was just finishing tying my shoes when there was a soft knock at my door. I sighed knowing it was probably Kel or Nat trying to convince me to come out with them.

I swung the door open without looking through the peephole to see who it was. "Look, you know why I can't come out with you guys. I just can't face..." I stopped short when I realized who was standing there in front of me.

John looked up at me with the saddest eyes I'd ever seen. I sighed and he spoke. "I know I shouldn't be here. I'm probably the last person you want to see but, I just...I needed to try and talk to you."

"There's nothing to talk about John. I'm sorry I avoided you, it's just...it's complicated that's all." I whispered. I felt that lump in my throat again. I had to fight with myself to not break down and cry and run into his arms.

"Reilly, please...I need to know what I did. I never meant to hurt you, I would never..." John looked completely lost, something I'd never seen out of him before.

"Wait, you think it's something you did? John you didn't do anything, I just needed some time to think things over and I felt the only way to do that was to stay away for awhile." I couldn't believe he felt like he had done something. I looked at him standing there and sighed, knowing what I was going to say next could very easily make things worse. Looked like I wasn't going running tonight after all. "Come on," I whispered. I took his hand and pulled him into the room with me.

He sat on the couch and I perched myself in the middle of my bed, slipping off my shoes and kicking them to the floor. "Look, before you say anything there's something I need to get out, something I need to explain." I crossed my feet in front of me and looked over at him. He was sitting on the edge of the couch like a little kid who was about to get in trouble.

"Anything. " He whispered. There was something in his gaze I couldn't put my finger on, but I felt like I had truly hurt him these past two weeks.

"John, I...I never wanted to avoid you. It's just that I feel like, especially lately, if I don't watch what I do, I'll get too close to you and Liz will be mad at you. I love spending time with you and I'm so glad we've become so close but I refuse to let myself come between you two. I know if I was her I wouldn't be so comfortable with you and I being so close and it just...I feel as if I get too comfortable with you, John. I feel like, when I spend time with you I forget everything else and that scares me..." I stopped. I was looking down at the bed, picking at a piece of fuzz the entire time I had been speaking but I could feel his eyes on me.

He took a deep breath before he spoke. "Reilly, do you trust me? I mean REALLY trust me?"

I looked up at him through my eyelashes. "Of course I do John. I've never had a reason to not trust you." He stood and walked quickly toward me as I spoke. "I'm just not sure if I can trust myself..." I stopped and looked up at him as he stood next to the bed in front of me and held out his hand. Without hesitating, I put my hand in his and he pulled me quickly up to where I was on my knees on the bed and just short of eye-level with him. I felt his arms slip around my waist and as he pulled me closer I couldn't stop myself from melting into him.

"John, this doesn't mean.." I started to say something but my words ran dry as he took his hand and tucked a stray piece of hair behind my ear.

"Trust me?" he questioned, leaning his forehead against mine. His words were barely more than a whisper and his arms had tightened around me.

"Always." I whispered. I hated myself but I was falling for this man and was powerless to stop. I gazed up at him, his eyes seemed so dark, smoldering with some underlying emotion he wasn't letting out. He ran his hand down my cheek, around to the back of my neck and lifted my face to him as his other arm pulled me closer. I knew what was coming and my brain was screaming at me to stop but my heart was with John and that's all I cared about. He leaned down slowly, and stopped his lips just inches from mine as if waiting for permission.

"John..." It was all I could manage before he pressed his lips softly to mine. I felt myself completely melt, everything I had just argued for was flying out the window...

His kiss was like nothing I'd ever experienced, soft, careful as if he was still holding something back. He pulled away and leaned his forehead into mine again. We were silent for what felt like the longest time before he continued. "Reilly Michelle, you are my best friend and I never want to lose you. You mean more to me than you'll ever know and I don't want anything to come between us. Please just let me worry about Liz. I'll make sure she's never mad okay? Please?" His words were pleading and his eyes burned into mine.

I sighed, knowing that I didn't want to ever go two weeks avoiding him again. "Ok," I whispered, " I'll try to stop worrying so much. You're my best friend to and I don't know what I would do if I lost you. Just, promise me one thing John."

"I'd promise you the world if I could, Reilly." John stated, and I believed him with all my heart.

"Promise me that if our friendship starts becoming detrimental to your relationship with Liz that you'll let me know. I won't ask you to walk away, I never could. I will be the one willing to walk away from this if it means the relationship you two have will remain 's all I want." It killed me to admit, but I cared enough about him to walk away forever if it meant he wouldn't get hurt.

"Reilly, no...I'm not going to let you..."He stammered, shaking his head.

"John, promise me. That's all I'm asking. I'll make it easy. I don't want to lose you but I refuse to mess things up. Promise me..."I was pleading with him now, perhaps trying to make him believe that walking away from him would be easy for me. In reality, it would be the hardest thing I'd ever do.

He sighed, held me tighter and whispered two words, "I promise."

John left a few minutes later...It was a good thing we didn't have a show until later the next day...I didn't sleep at all that night.

_-John-__  
_  
I went back to my room, threw my stuff on the floor and collapsed onto my bed with my arms behind my head, staring up at the ceiling. I didn't plan on kissing her but sitting there, staring at her, I felt completely overtaken by how much I cared about this woman and I couldn't help myself. I gave in, and to make matters worse, she kissed me back. Maybe it was just a reaction, maybe I just took her by surprise, I don't know.

I almost wished I knew if she felt the way I did when we kissed, the way my lips started burning, not wanting to let her go. I knew she'd never say anything and most likely we'd never speak of it again but it was the most amazing moment I've experienced in a long time.

I love Liz, I really do but Reilly...no, I can't. If she found out I had feelings for her, I'd lose her. She'd walk away so she could keep Liz from being unhappy. She barely knows Liz and she's willing to give up everything to keep her happy and yet Liz...I don't know what to do. I'm just more confused now than ever before...


	7. Raindrops

_-Reilly-_

July 11th, 2009

Just less than two years since John and I had shared that kiss in my hotel room and neither of us had ever spoken of it. I sometimes wondered if he felt anything the way I did when he had kissed me but something inside me knew better than to ask. I thought about that night as I sat on the balcony of yet another hotel room. We were in Oregon, well, most of us were and it was cool outside, even for July. I sat there staring out into the city, curled up in a sweatshirt and shorts, holding a cup of tea in my hands to keep them warm. I should have been happy, excited even...I had my first championship match the next night. It was a huge thing for me, but this particular night I couldn't focus on anything...You see, hundreds of miles away...

My best friend was getting married...

And right now, you're asking 'why weren't you there at the wedding? He is your best friend after all...' The answer to that question is simple...I wasn't invited. I asked myself the same question and couldn't even come up with some sort of stupid made up answer to make myself feel better. I felt something wet on my hand and at first thought it had started raining until I realized it was me...I was crying...and on the inside, I was falling apart.


	8. Breaking Down

**Chapter 7 (Breaking Down)**

_-John-_

Two weeks!Two weeks of a honeymoon and half the time all I could think about was how upset I was. No call, no text, NOTHING…she just didn't show up. It ate at me the whole time Liz and I were gone but I tried not to let it show. What the hell had I done that would cause Reilly to be so mad at me that she didn't come to my wedding? I hated to admit it but I was slightly furious and anxious to get back to work to find out what the hell was going on…

_-Reilly-_

John got back from his honeymoon two weeks later. After 3 weeks, I still hadn't talked to him. I felt horrible inside but I was so frustrated I wanted nothing to do with my "best" friend. I just couldn't understand what I had done to not even be invited to his wedding. Kelly kept trying to convince me that he probably did it to keep Liz from being upset, but I knew John well enough to know that if that were the case, he would have at least told me. No, he just flat out didn't invite me and the more I thought about it, the more upset I became. I knew since he came back that he had been looking for me. Randy and Kelly both told me repeatedly that John was asking if they knew where I was and my answer to both of them was "I'm anywhere that he's not."

John had been back at work for about two weeks when Kelly came up to me after Raw one night. "Hey, we're all going out to a club here in town and you don't have a choice, you're coming with me. You need to get out and have some fun and I think this is the best way to do it."

"Kel, If he's going to be there," I started but she cut me off. "I haven't seen him since his match earlier tonight. I think he left. So come on, we're going back to the hotel, getting changed and then heading out. We don't have another show for a couple days so even the guys are looking forward to just going out and having some fun for awhile."

I sighed, knowing that arguing with her was useless. When Kelly made up her mind about something, you went with it. And the more I thought about the possibility of going out and being able to have fun and not think about my issues with John, the more appealing it sounded. "Alright then, let's get going because I am surely not going out looking like this!"

We headed back to the hotel and Kelly came to my room to get ready. Knowing John wasn't going to be there, I felt like I could dress however I wanted without having to worry about how I looked to someone so I had Kelly help me dig through my clothes. She finally helped me settle on this, cgi/set?id=49702480, and once we were both ready we were so excited to go out, we literally almost ran outside to the cab we had waiting. The club was only a few minutes away and once inside I started to relax immediately. I saw quite a few of the guys there, Randy, Phil(CM Punk), and Stephen (Sheamus) included. Phil saw me and waved us over. He smiled as I walked up and I thought I could feel him looking me over but I couldn't be sure.

"Well, hello gorgeous." He teased and I smacked him playfully on the arm. "Can I get you a drink?"

"Sure, surprise me." I replied, waving at Randy who had just seen us walk up. I thought he looked confused but it could have just been me.

"Aww, don't tell me that," Phil teased, "I might just drug you and then take advantage of you when you're out of it. That's the nice thing about not drinking, you can prey on those that do..hahaha." His face lit up with mischief. He was in a good mood tonight.

"Oh well, I'm sure I've had worse," I bit back, rolling my eyes at him. He squeezed my shoulders softly before he walked off to the bar. I admired him, here we all were drinking and he could have just as good a time, if not better, than the rest of us, without a single drop. Kelly had seen the exchange and raised an eyebrow at me. 'Don't even think about it!' I mouthed to her and she smiled and shrugged her shoulders as if to say, "who me?"

Phil came back a few minutes later and handed me a beer. I had only managed to take a sip of it before I was pushed out onto the dance floor by Kelly. I spun around to see what she was doing and she had gone back and grabbed Phil and Stephen by the hands and was dragging them out with her. I couldn't help it, I started laughing hysterically at the sight of these two big, strong guys getting dragged out onto the dance floor by little old Kelly. She pushed Phil towards me and said, "you there," and as Stephen tried to get away she grabbed his arm and said, "uh-uh you… here!" She was gonna get to dance no matter who it was with, poor Stephen.

"Well, I guess we shouldn't make her mad." Phil teased, looking down at me. Even in heels I felt short standing next to most of these guys. "No," I started, "that's one thing you definitely DON'T want to do." He smiled back at me, grabbed my hand and lead me deeper into the crowd on the dance floor. The nice thing was that the guys had rented out the club so it was all WWE in there. We got to chill and just have fun for awhile and as I felt myself relaxing for the first time in weeks, I realized this may have really been what I needed.

A few drinks (on my part) and a few dances later and I realized Phil was actually a fairly good dancer. He spun me out by my hand and then back into him so my back was to him and wrapped his arms around me playfully and then….my heart stopped. I was smiling as I looked over toward our table to see where Kelly had gone and saw John standing there, talking to Randy and drinking a beer. I'd been dancing with Phil for so long I had no idea how long he had been standing there but I was almost certain he'd already seen me.

Phil felt me tighten and followed my gaze. I felt him spin me around and knew he could tell by the look on my face that I was going to lose it. I had been talking to him a lot lately so he knew how I felt and he knew what was going on. "Don't even think about it. Right here, just stay right here and let it go." I smiled, thankful for the attempt he was making but inside, I knew the inevitable was coming and I didn't know how I was going to react, but I could almost guarantee it wasn't going to be pretty.

We danced to a few more songs and I finally decided that I needed a drink. I glanced over to our table and didn't see John anywhere around so I figured it was safe. Phil led me by the hand to the table and pulled me into the booth after him. He slipped his arm around my shoulders and I snuggled into him a little. It felt comfortable, as if he knew what I needed at the moment. Kelly slid in the other side of the booth and immediately turned to me. "Reilly, I am so sorry. I thought he had left, I didn't know Randy had invited him…I just, I am so sorry."

"Kel, chill. I'm okay." I told her. I was trying to convince myself of that just as much as everyone else. Five minutes later Kelly and I were teasing Phil about something when I saw someone walk up to our table out of the corner of my eye. I could tell immediately who it was just by the way they stood there and I kept my face down, refusing to acknowledge him.

"Hey John, how was the honeymoon?" Phil asked him and I wondered where he was going with that question.

"It was fine." John stated very matter-of-factly. He directed his attention to me and asked, "Can I talk to you?" I didn't look up at him, I was afraid I would burst into tears at the sight of his face. I just kept my head down and answered, "I don't think there's anything to talk about."

"Like hell there's not. You and I have a LOT to talk about and you know it." John's voice was raised, something I'd never heard out of him in the 3 years I'd known him.

"If she says there's nothing to talk about there's nothing to talk about," Phil piped in, probably trying to help me out but I felt it was just making things worse. I squeezed his hand which was still resting on my shoulder and looked up at John,bracing myself. "So…talk." I stated simply, trying to look like I was completely calm and collected.

"We need to talk alone." His eyes were burning and I realized he was really upset about something but I had no idea what.

"Cena, if she wants to talk here she can damn well talk here…"Punk started. I could feel him shifting slightly…he was getting upset and knew I had to get him to cool it before something bad happened. These two were both getting so worked up they both might do something they'd regret later on and I didn't want it to ruin their friendship.

I turned to Phil, put my hand on his arm and whispered, "I promise, I'll be fine." He looked skeptical but he let me go and I could see Kelly across the table give me a look that said, "If you need anything…" I just nodded and slid out of the booth. I walked past John and towards the door to the bar, wanting to get outside away from everyone else. I could feel John follow after me and I took a deep breath…

'Here goes nothing….or everything' I thought to myself as I pushed the door open and stepped into the warm night air.


	9. Falling

**Chapter 8(Falling)**

_-John-_

I followed Reilly out of the club, almost running to have to keep up with her. I should have known right then and there that there was something else going on, but I didn't pay attention. Looking back on it now, I realize just how upset and frustrated she actually looked but I didn't put it together then. I should have known that if she was that upset it wasn't only because she just didn't come to my wedding, I knew Reilly and I knew if she just didn't come she'd be sad and not fuming upset…it's too late to change that now though. Back to that night…

Once we were outside the club, she walked about 30 feet or so from the entrance and leaned against the wall, one hand on her forehead. I stood in front of her and steadied myself to let out all the pent up frustration and anger I'd been harboring for the last 3 weeks...and then she looked up at me and the look on her face made me stop dead in my tracks. Her skin was glistening with a soft sheen of sweat from the warmth of the club inside, she was biting her bottom lip, a habit she had when she was frustrated, and she looked absolutely drop dead gorgeous. As mad, as frustrated as I was, I lost track of everything when I looked at her…her outfit fit her perfectly…almost more like she made the outfit look perfect…a few small pieces of hair were framing her face…but the one thing that stood out more than anything else were her eyes. They were glistening, and at first I thought it was from the street lights but as I looked closer I realized, there were tears in those gorgeous blue eyes of hers. She was crying and I immediately felt helpless.

She stared at me for a minute as if wondering where to start and I just stood there. She sighed and began, "Before you say anything John, I need to know one simple thing."

"What is it?" I questioned, trying to maintain the anger and frustration that I had been holding onto.

"What did I do?" Her words were no more than a whisper and if I hadn't been looking directly at her I wouldn't have been sure if she had even spoken.

"What do you mean what did you do?" I wondered. I had no idea where she was going with this.

"You know what I mean. If I did something to upset you that much I'm sorry. You know all you had to do was tell me and I would have done everything in my power to fix it."Her voice was cracking and I could see it was taking everything in her to not fall apart.

"Reilly, what are you talking about? I wanted to talk to you because these past three weeks have been hell and I wanted to find out why." I stammered. I was so confused at this point. Had I made her think she had done something wrong?

"Hell? John, you got married and went on your honeymoon, I would barely call that hell." She bit that time, her words stinging and I felt an implied meaning behind them.

"I know that. I didn't mean that. And to be honest, I'm surprised you knew that, considering." What was wrong with me? Was I actually biting back at this woman who had come to mean the world to me? A woman I swore to myself I would never hurt?

"What the hell is that supposed to mean? To be completely honest John, unless I'm completely clueless and have no idea what's going on, I don't think you have any damn reason to be upset with me. As far as I know, I didn't do a damn thing to you and if I did, I think I deserve enough courtesy from you to let me know what I did." She was actually mad now, her hands clenched and unclenched at her sides and I could see the expression in her face change and those gorgeous eyes of her went dark.

"Reilly, what are you talking about? I never said you did a damn thing. These past three weeks have been hell because ever since the wedding I haven't been able to stop thinking about what I did to tick you off so much that it would keep you from coming to my wedding." I spit back. We were doing nothing to help each other. We were fueling each other's anger and I was losing control fast.

As I finished my last statement I watched her eyes flicker for a second and then as she processed what I had said a hint of recognition in her eyes which was quickly placed by hurt and anger. "Please tell me that was a joke. Please, please tell me you weren't serious just then?" She questioned through clenched teeth.

"No, it wasn't a joke and yes I am serious. Why would I joke about something like this? You're my best friend Reilly and you completely just didn't show up to my wedding and I don't understand why!" I could feel my temperature rising, I was so frustrated. I couldn't for the life of me understand why the one person I wanted, needed, at my wedding would just blow it off.

"You've got to be kidding me." She said, more to herself than to me. She turned away from me and took a few steps, as if trying to collect herself. She ran her hands through her long blonde hair, then, turning back to me she crossed her arms in front of her and continued, " You honestly believe that I just decided to NOT come to your wedding is that it? You're going to blame this all on me?"

"There's no one else to blame it on is there? Unless someone kept you from going and you're not telling me something." I was fuming now. Why was she being so difficult?

"Wow…3 years and this is what it's come down to. I'm sorry, truly sorry you feel that I just blew you off like that. I really am. And I'm also sorry that after 3 years that's what you actually think of me!" Her words were quiet, short, and directed. Reilly was never one to raise her voice. You knew she was mad when her voice was so low and pointed it felt like nails in your heart everytime she spoke. She looked down at the ground, shook her head slightly and continued, "I thought you knew me so much better than that John. I guess I was horribly wrong." And with that, she turned and started walking away.

"Reilly, don't you dare walk away from me!" I didn't mean to yell but I wasn't myself anymore. This woman had me so completely out of sorts, so frustrated that I didn't know what else to do. She kept walking and I kept talking. "I want to know why the hell you weren't at my wedding Reilly!" I yelled after her.

She stopped short, spun around and stared at me with wide eyes. I didn't have to look closely this time to see the tears flowing down her cheeks. I saw her take a deep breath and then she said the words that tore me apart… "It's easy John, simple really. I was never invited." She stared at me for a long moment, hurt taking over her face and then she turned and walked away.

I couldn't move. I wanted to run after her, to take her in my arms and apologize and figure out what we'd done wrong but I was frozen where I stood. She was never invited? But why? How? I didn't know how it had happened or what went wrong but I collapsed to my knees on the sidewalk, my head in my hands. Whatever the reason, it was never that she didn't want to be there…it wasn't her fault and I most likely just destroyed whatever relationship she and I had left.

'Reilly, I'm so sorry….I'm so sorry…..' I felt tears pooling in the corners of my eyes and I didn't even care. I'd just lost the most amazing woman to ever enter my life.

_-Reilly-_

That night…I fell apart in front of John, something I told myself I would never do. I also learned that he had wanted me there at his wedding just as much as I had wanted to be there for him. None of that seemed to matter as I walked back to the hotel, tears in my eyes and my makeup running down my face. We both had probably just destroyed what was one of the most important, perfect relationships I'd ever had with anyone in my life.

I knew Kelly and Phil would be upset when and if John walked back into the club without me so I pulled my phone out of my pocket and through tearful eyes sent Kelly a text.

-Headed back to the hotel. Please don't worry. I'll find you tomorrow I promise. you.-

I got back to the hotel, made my way to the elevator, pushed the button for my floor, then collapsed down to the floor as the doors slid shut. I rested my head on my knees and let out a deep sigh. The tears just kept coming and I didn't know when they would stop. I had just lost my best friend and I felt completely lost. I reached my floor, managed to get myself into my room, locked the door and curled up on the end of the couch, staring out the window into the city below. The tears blurred the city lights into a colorful mess and I closed my eyes…

'I'm sorry John…sorry for everything.'


	10. Waves

**Chapter 9 (Waves)**

_-Reilly-_

**Two Months Later**

Two months, and not a word was spoken between us. It wasn't that I didn't want to talk to him, my heart was screaming at me to just go see him but I couldn't bring myself to do it. We had said things to each other in a way that I wasn't sure if there was a way to fix what had broken. I didn't blame him anymore, I knew now that he had no idea I wasn't invited. I don't know if either of us knew what had actually happened…I had my theories but I kept them to myself. There was no need to bring them out now.

It was a Thursday and we were in Tampa for a pay-per-view that weekend. I knew I wouldn't see John much around the arena since he lived there in Tampa with Liz. It hadn't even been as if we purposely avoided each other these past months. We would see each other in the hallways of whatever arena we were in, it was inevitable. But it was usually at opposite ends of a hallway and we would stand and look at each other for a second before one of us would give up and walk away. I tried to hide the hurt on my face. I didn't want him to see just how much I missed him but sometimes I felt like an open book.

I had just gotten back from a late trip to the gym, another thing I had changed since my fight with John. I loved going to the gym in the morning but knew he did as well so I changed things up to not make it more awkward. It was 9:30 at night and I wasn't tired. Something about my workout tonight had just seemed to give me more energy. We were staying in a hotel right on the beach and I stood out on my balcony facing the ocean, wondering what I should do with myself. Kelly was out somewhere with Stephen, (yes, you read that right) and Phil had some PR to do, so I was on my own that night. I looked down at the beach. It looked so calm and peaceful with the moon bouncing off the water. I decided I wanted to be outside and ducked back into my room, changed into some running clothes fit for the warm, humid weather, cgi/set?id=49937688 and then headed downstairs.

It was warm but there was a small breeze coming off the water that made the heat a little more bearable. I stretched my calf muscles out as I gazed out at the ocean. The breeze wasn't enough to really ruffle the waves and it was fairly calm, the moon shining off the water and lighting up the night sky. I tucked a stray piece of hair behind my ear and took off slowly down the beach. I wasn't in any type of hurry. We didn't have any early morning meetings and the press conference wasn't until 3:00 p.m. so I was looking for any reason to keep myself from just sitting in my room. I turned up the volume on my Ipod and picked up my pace just a little, keeping time with the music.

There were no thoughts in my head; I kicked them aside when I ran, as if nothing in the world could touch me, nothing could hurt me. I made it about a mile and a half before I slowed my pace and eventually cut myself to a walk. The breeze had picked up just slightly and it felt amazing to feel the cool drops of water from the ocean on my face. I pulled my hair out of the ponytail I'd had it in and shook it out, letting the breeze wind it softly around me. I knelt down, untied my shoes and kicked them off into the sand. I picked them up and tiptoed through the water, letting it splash up my calves. I continued walking down the beach at the water's edge, my playlist still blaring in my ears and my toes curling into the wet sand with each step. As I walked I decided that when I finally gave in and bought myself a house, I would be living somewhere on the water. It was the most peaceful thing I'd found in a long time.

I walked a little bit further, gazing up at the hotels lining this stretch of beach. The lights coming from them lit up this area so I stayed just beyond the swath of light, right where the water met the shore. I was about to turn around and start heading back down toward my hotel when I saw a figure sitting in the sand just up the beach. Normally I wouldn't have paid any attention; it could have been anybody. But there was something about this figure that made me look more closely. I peered through the darkness at the man sitting there, staring out into the ocean…the lines of his shoulders, the sharp jawline… 'It can't be.' I told myself. He's at home with Liz, why in the world would he be out here? I knew from talking to him before his house was on the other side of Tampa, nowhere near where I now stood, frozen in the sand.

I looked at the figure a minute longer, unsure of what to do next. I shook my head, telling myself it couldn't be him, when I saw the figures arm lift and his hand went around the back of his head, up over the top, and slid down toward his face. John always did that when he was frustrated about something. But why, what was he doing out here? Shouldn't he be spending time with Liz? Something wasn't right, and I could feel myself wanting to go over, to find out what was wrong but I stayed planted where I was. 'I should just leave him alone. If he's out here by himself he has to have a good reason for it and I should just let it be'. I turned and took a step back in the direction of my hotel but that was as far as I could will myself to go. Regardless of what had gone on between us, he was still my best friend and right now, I felt drawn in…as if he needed me more than ever, and I didn't even know if he knew I was there. I sighed, looked out at the ocean for a long minute knowing what I was going to do could go in two completely different directions then turned and started walking up towards where he sat. I reached the spot where he was sitting and my suspicions were at once confirmed. John was sitting there in the sand, his shoes off in the sand by his feet, staring straight ahead out into the water. I didn't say anything, just silently sat down next to him and followed his gaze out into the ocean.

We sat in silence for a few minutes, staring out into the waves. I don't think either of us knew where to start. I was suddenly very aware of how I probably looked to him, my hair all over the place from the wind and my hands flew up, attempting to pull it back away from my face and back into its ponytail.

John put his hand on my arm without turning his head. "Don't." he whispered. "Leave it, you look beautiful."

I stopped short and turned to look at him. Had he seen me coming down the beach toward him the whole time? I dropped my arms and ran my fingers though the sand between us, letting it slip through my fingers. He brought his hand down on top of mine, holding it down for just a minute before I felt his fingers intertwine themselves with mine. He squeezed my hand softly and I looked down at them, sitting there on the sand between us. I couldn't believe just how small my hand looked locked there with his.

"I don't deserve you, "John started, his voice quiet and reserved. "I don't deserve the way you care about me, the way you're there for me no matter what. I've caused so many problems between us; I don't know how you can stand to be around me anymore." He still wouldn't look at me but his hand held tightly to mine, his thumb tracing circles on the side of my hand.

I took a deep breath and replied. "John, what are you doing out here? Why aren't you home with Liz?"

"I don't feel like going home tonight…" he paused, looking down at the sand before continuing. "Let's just say I found out why you were never invited to the wedding, and I just decided it would be better if I stayed away from home tonight." He did not explain any further but I didn't need him to. My theories had been confirmed and I now felt worse than ever. I sighed heavily, knowing being there with him wasn't going to help him any with his fight at home.

I guess he felt me tense up because his hand squeezed mine again and he finally turned to look at me. "Please don't go. You're the only person I wished I could see when I left the house tonight…I just didn't know if I should come find you. That's why I'm out here. I was trying to get up the courage to come see you." Looking into his eyes, I felt myself falling back to that comfortable place with him, it was as if the fight wasn't of any importance any more…the only thing that seemed to matter was that he and I were there with each other.

"I missed you." I whispered, tearing my eyes from his and looking out at the ocean again. "I'm sorry John…I'm sorry for everything I said that night, I was just…" I was cut off as the wind blew pieces of my hair in front of my face. Before I could reach up to tuck them away though, John's free hand was there, softly pulling them away and tucking them behind my ear.

"I don't want you to apologize. We both were angry, we both said things we never would have said otherwise. It's over. I just want you back in my life Reilly. I hate being too afraid to come talk to you on the road, or sit next to you on the plane…I hate not being able to talk to my best friend." His hand went from my face to our hands in the sand and he placed it on top of them.

I turned to look back at him, and I could see his eyes pleading with me to say something, anything. "What are you doing for the rest of the night then if you're not going home?" I questioned.

"I don't know, I was still trying to figure out what I wanted. I was thinking about just going and crashing with Randy or something." John's words were soft, reserved.

"Come on." I stated simply. I stood, not letting go of his hand and waited for him to do the same. He stood next to me, a questioning look spreading across his face. I smiled softly, looking up into his eyes and whispered, "You need somewhere to stay. I've got the extra bed in my room. You can crash there tonight if you want and then go home tomorrow." My head immediately started yelling at me, 'What are you doing? You're just asking for trouble asking him to come back with you…' I tuned it out for the first time in my life. We weren't doing anything wrong, I was giving my best friend a place to spend the night since he didn't want to go home.

"Reilly, I don't want you to have to put up with me just because I've got issues right now at home." John stated. He looked down at me with eyes that made me believe he didn't mean what he had just said.

"You are my best friend, and I'm not just leaving you to find somewhere to stay. Please?" 'Why was I pleading with him for this?' I shook my head, picked up my shoes and continued, "You don't have a choice John. Come on."

He picked up his shoes, kissed me softly on the cheek and whispered in my ear, "You are amazing Reilly. I hope you know that."

"Takes one to know one," I teased. He smiled at me as we turned and made our way down the beach back toward the hotel. We took our time, walking through the water as it met the shore. We didn't say much, neither of us felt the need to. Our fingers stayed intertwined the entire time, John's thumb still tracing circles on mine. I should have regretted inviting him to stay with me but I didn't. I had missed him too much and this time, I wasn't about to walk away from him.


	11. Secrets and Sacrifices

**Chapter 10(Secrets and Sacrifices)**

-_John-_

I hadn't planned on seeing Reilly that night. Sure, I was trying to convince myself to go see her but I never imagined she would just happen to walk down that area of the beach at that time of night. I'd flown into Tampa the day before and hadn't brought up to Liz the issue that had been bothering me until the next day. When I asked her why Reilly never got invited to the wedding she hesitated at first, keeping the answer from me. It wasn't until I kept questioning that she finally gave in and told me. She was the reason Reilly hadn't been at my wedding, she purposely hadn't sent Reilly an invitation and I lost it. We had just gotten married and she was already lying to me about things. I was so upset I felt I just couldn't stay there that night. I drove to the beach on the other side of town, not sure what I was going to do. I knew the hotel Reilly and all the others were staying in was just a few miles down the beach and I was sitting staring out at the ocean, trying to convince myself to go see her when she just happened to find me.

When she invited me, well, when she told me, to come stay with her, my heart leapt. I knew I shouldn't have been as excited as I was, but I had gone crazy the previous two months without being able to talk to her and I just couldn't pass up the chance to spend time with her again. We walked down the beach toward her hotel that night and I couldn't believe how comfortable I felt with her fingers laced through mine.

We got back to the hotel and as we entered the lobby I saw Randy coming out of one of the elevators. He raised his eyebrow at me slightly and then just smirked and kept walking. I didn't care. Everyone knew Reilly and I were friends so what did it matter. We entered the elevator and as the door closed I released her hand and slipped my arm around her shoulders. She leaned her head against me and I rested my chin on the top of her head, breathing in the smell of the salty ocean water in her hair. I stared at our reflection in the elevator doors, the way her head seemed to fit perfectly on my shoulder, the way she had her eyes closed, a small smile teasing the corners of her mouth. We fit together better than I wanted to admit, better than I could ever admit. I was married, I couldn't never let Reilly know the truth; she'd walk away to save my marriage and I couldn't bear the idea of having to watch her walk away from me again. I started thinking about what I knew was going to be absolutely necessary…I needed to enjoy tonight with her…I knew that.

We got to her room and she went in to change while I sat out on the balcony, mulling over the idea in my head. I didn't want to do it, I didn't even know if I could do it. What would she think if tomorrow morning…I felt like I was going to hate myself; that she could end up hating me…but I couldn't see any other way.

She interrupted my thoughts as she came out and sat on the floor of the balcony next to me. "You're thinking about something again. You're going to hurt yourself one of these days." She teased and I smiled. She put her head on my shoulder again and stretched her legs out in front of her. She had some of the longest legs I'd ever seen…toned and tan…gorgeous. Every part of her was gorgeous, and it was for that reason that my mind was running a thousand miles a minute. We sat there in that spot for the next two hours, talking and teasing and embracing the fact that we were back to that comfortable place we missed so much. When our words ran out and a silence had fallen over us, I looked down at her to find she had fallen asleep there on my shoulder. She looked so incredibly peaceful and I hated to move her but I knew she'd be more comfortable in her bed so I picked her up into my arms, (she was so light, it was effortless), and carried her back into the room. I set her gently on the bed, covering her with the blankets. She stirred momentarily but then relaxed again. I brushed the hair away from her eyes and then climbed into the other bed, shutting off the lamp as I went.

I had left the balcony door open and the moonlight was streaming through the door and across her pillow. I stared at her through the filtered light, thinking to myself. I knew if she found out just what was going on in my head, she would walk away in a second. She would realize that our relationship would interfere with my marriage if I told her the truth and I couldn't bear her walking away again. Reilly was the type of person that would give up our friendship to save my marriage, she had made me promise her that before. I couldn't do it now, I knew that. I couldn't tell her the truth about how I felt. I was at the point now that I would rather distance myself from her, keep her at arm's length, then face her walking away for good. It was selfish in a way but at the same time, I needed to do it to keep her from having to make a decision that painful. I would make the decision so she would never have to feel bad….

I fell asleep that night knowing that in the morning I was going to walk away from the amazing, beautiful woman sleeping across from me, possibly for good, and all I could do was pray that she wouldn't hate me.

**The next morning…**

I woke at 6:00 a.m. I had decided the way to save her the most pain was to leave beforeshe ever awoke. If I had to face her and tell her what I had decided I couldn't guarantee that I would be able to go through with it. I silently pulled my shoes on, never taking my eyes off of her. When I finished, I sat there for a second on the edge of the bed, contemplating what I was about to do. Shaking my head, I knew if I wasted anymore time I wouldn't go through with it and things would be more difficult on us both. I stood, walked over to where she slept, and as softly as I could manage, ran my hand down her face. I knew I would most likely never be this close to her again and the thought burned into my heart. I leaned down to her, closed my eyes and kissed her forehead. "I love you Reilly. Please forgive me."

I hadn't planned on it coming out, it just did. The words just slipped through my lips and as they did, all my reasons for leaving were reconfirmed. I loved this woman, truly loved her, and because of that I was walking away from her to keep her from having to make that choice. I would much rather it be my fault that we fell apart than know I made her make a choice like that.

I took one last look at her, memorizing as much as I could. I knew it wasn't like I would never see her again, I'd see her all the time at work. But I would never again see her like this, the real, true Reilly, the one I'd fallen in love with. "Please forgive me." I whispered again. I turned, and without looking back, slipped out the door. The soft click as it closed assured me that there was no going back now…She would never find out my true feelings and I knew it was better for both of us if I went home and tried to figure things out with Liz…

'I will always, always love you….'


	12. Pain and Revelations

**Chapter 11**

_-Reilly-_

**Back to ****Apri****l 1****st****, 2012**

John and I have never been the same since that night. I woke up that morning facing the empty bed across from me and I felt empty, as if I was missing something. I didn't know then that it was John I was missing. I wouldn't know that until a few months later when I realized he was staying away from me as much as possible. I missed him like crazy, I'm not going to lie, but I knew deep down inside, it was best for both he and Liz. I would see him in the arena and he would walk the other way. It hurt but I bit my tongue. I wanted John to be happy, whether it was with or without me and I realized that for him to have a happy marriage, it had to be without me. We would talk once in awhile when we accidentally ran into each other but it wasn't like that night. It wasn't that effortless conversation that we used to be able to have any time we saw each other. It was strained, like two strangers almost, forced to speak to each other. I had to hide the hurt, hide the way I missed him when I talked to him. I didn't want him to see how much it was killing me, losing my best friend.

When we did talk, John rarely made eye contact with me, another thing I wasn't used to. At times when he did look at me, I felt as if he was looking I right through me, trying to pretend I wasn't there in front of him. I never asked him about it. It wasn't my place to know and besides, I felt as if I already knew the answer. I'd given up in the past year, acknowledging the fact that I had lost him, but knowing it was better for him that way. The knowledge of that made it a little easier, knowing his marriage was ok because he had let me go, even though he had promised me he would let me know if our friendship ever got in the way so I could be the one to walk away. I didn't begrudge him that though, I couldn't. How could I be mad at him for protecting me from doing something that would have been so hard…I still couldn't help noticing that he seemed angry, frustrated when I would see him, especially this last year. I had to fight with myself so many times to not run up to him and ask him what was wrong. Even without talking to him, I could still read him like a book.

The past two and a half years had been hard, I still missed John like crazy every now and then, but my career was finally taking off…which brings me back to where I stand now…..

I am standing backstage at Wrestlemania preparing for my first ever Divas Championship match against Beth Phoenix. I lean back against the wall, attempting to collect myself before I head out but my excitement is hard to contain. My parents were watching at home on tv since they couldn't make the flight in time, I have friends out in the audience…everything should have been perfect. There is just one person I wish I could share my excitement with…one person who be able to truly appreciate and understand the butterflies I feel…but he was elsewhere in the arena, and not looking for me I was sure.

My eyes fly open as I hear my music play. I take a deep breath, brace myself and walk through the curtains to the stage…here goes everything.

**5 Minutes Later**

Everything was going exactly as planned, Beth and I had been going back and forth the whole match and I knew the end was coming. I had kicked her out of the ring and I knew she'd come back with a steel chair. She climbed back into the ring with it as I began to scale the ropes. I was suppose to go for my patented backflip off the ropes and Beth was supposed to come up and hit my back with the chair. I was on the second rope, about to move to the third. The way my move went, I usually climb the ropes facing the audience and then flip myself backward onto my opponent. Beth was supposed to come up and hit me once I was up on the top rope. I got myself up to the top rope and heard the crowd yell as Beth came toward me with the chair. I braced myself for the impact but all of a sudden, I felt my foot slip off the rope…I instinctively bent down to catch myself, forgetting about Beth and the chair behind me until I heard the gasp from the crowd and I knew…that chair wasn't going to connect with my back the way it was supposed to.

I felt everything happening in slow motion but there was nothing I could do to change it. I had shrunk straight down, trying to catch myself before I fell off the ropes, one foot on the top rope and one on the second when I felt the chair connect with the back of my head. The pain was immediate and excruciating and I couldn't hang onto the ropes anymore. The impact sent me forward, and I could feel myself falling over the ropes. I could see the floor coming toward me but I was in slow motion, unable to move at this point, unable to put my arms up to slow the impact. I hit the floor, feeling my head bounce off it and the pain shot through me again. I wasn't conscious of anything around me at this point. The crowd had gone silent, or at least I thought they did. I wanted to curl up in a ball the pain was so bad but I could barely move. My thoughts were incoherent, I couldn't think straight. I managed to roll myself over onto my back but even the effort of that caused so much pain that I screamed. I felt the pain taking over, could feel it moving through my body. I looked up at the lights of the arena, noticing how blurred they seemed to be. The pain made its way back to my head and I had to fight to keep my eyes open. I could make out muffled sounds around me, people yelling for something? I was immediately tired, I couldn't keep my eyes open.

I thought about my parents, at home watching this all unfold. 'Mom, Dad, I'm so sorry. Please don't worry.' I thought to myself. I fought my eyes open again. I could see the ring doctor hovering over me. He was talking to me but I couldn't make out the words, couldn't get my mouth to respond. I felt my eyes closing again and this time I couldn't fight them open anymore. I felt myself spinning down, the pain taking over and I couldn't win. It was the strangest feeling I had ever experienced. The last thing that went through my mind was John. I could picture him perfectly, even through the pain. I could see him standing there in my mind, reaching for me… 'John…I miss you….I love you John…..' I thought to myself, knowing full well that may be the closest I would ever get to telling him the truth… It took getting hit in the head to make me realize what he meant to me, and now I would never be able to tell him.

'I love you.' I thought again…and then my world went dark…..


End file.
